Howdy Shatterstar!
------------------
It's all you need in souperheroes and haute cuisine:
Culinary_X
Printable View
Howdy Shatterstar!
------------------
It's all you need in souperheroes and haute cuisine:
Culinary_X
Yes. I have saurkraut. Does anybody want some? http://www.hostboard.com/ubb/tongue.gif
Howdy, Shatterstar! If you don't want saurkraut, I think Beamie has some whipped cream. J/k Beamie http://www.hostboard.com/ubb/biggrin.gif
------------------
Essence of Elf: "BAMF- Kick it up a notch!"
Sorry this is a little late, but welcome to the board, shatterstar! http://www.hostboard.com/ubb/smile.gif Hope you like it here!
------------------
I am a particularly clever hyper intelligent pan-dimensional being, fear me
Ewwww...sauerkraut!! I may be German, but I'm not stupid!
LOL Very funny, Blue.
Welcome Shatterstar! I'm late as usual, but I brought a chicken to go with that whipped cream....
http://www.hostboard.com/ubb/wink.gif
------------------
~Award-winning designer of Norway's lovely crinkly edges.~
Very funny. http://www.hostboard.com/ubb/smile.gif You know, I posted some new stuff last night and no one's commented on it yet.
Way back when I was just a little bitty boy, and living in a box under the stairs in the corner of the basement of the house half a block down the street from Jerry's Bait Shop, you know the place. Well, anyway, back then life was going swell and everything was just peachy, except, of course, for the undeniable fact that every single morning my mother would make a big ol' bowl of Sauerkraut for breakfast. A big bowl of Sauerkraut! Every single Morning! It was driving me crazy! I said to my mom, I said, "Hey Mom! What with all this Sauerkraut!?" And my dear sweet mother, she just looked at me like a cow looks at an oncoming train and she leaned right down next to me and she said "IT'S GOOD FOR YOU!!!" And then she tied me to a wall and stuck a funnel in my mouth and force-fed me nothing but Sauerkraut until I was 26 and a half years old! That's when I swore that someday, someday I would get out of that basement and travel to a magical far away place where the sun is always shining and the air smells like warm root beer and the towels are oh so fluffy! Where the shriners and the lepers play their ukuleles all day long and anyone on the street will gladly shave your back for a nickel! Well let me tell you, people, it wasn't long at all until my dream came true! Cuz the very next day, a local radio station had this contest to see who could correctly guess the number of molecules in Leonard Nemoy's butt. I was off by 3, but I still won the grand prize. That's right, a first class one-way ticket to Albuquerque! You know I'd never been on a real airplane before, and I have to tell you it was really great! Except that I had to sit between two large Albanian women with excruciatingly severe body odor, and the little kid in back of me kept throwing up the whole time, and the flight attendants ran out of Dr. Pepper and salted peanuts, and the in-flight movie was BioDome with Pauly Shore, and, oh yeah, 3 of the airplane engines burned out, and we went into a tail spin and crashed into a hillside and the plane exploded in a giant fireball and everybody died! Except for me. And you know why? I had my tray table up, and my seatback in the full upright position! So I crawled from the twisted burning wreckage, I crawled on my hands and knees for 3 full days, draggin' along my big leather suitcase and my garment bag and my tenor saxophone and my 12 pound bowling ball and my lucky lucky autographed glow in the dark snorkel! But finally I arrived at the World-Famous Albuquerque Holiday Inn, where the towels are oh so fluffy! And you can eat your soup right out of the ashtrays if you want to. It's okay, they're clean! Well, I checked into my room and I turned down the A/C and I turned on the Spectravision and I'm just about to eat that little chocolate mint on my pillow that I love so very very much when suddenly there's a knock on the door. Now who could that be? I say "Who is it?" No answer. "Who is it?" There's no answer. "WHO IS IT!?!" They're not saying anything! So finally I go over and I open the door, and, just as I suspected, it's a big fat hermaphrodite with a Flock of Seagulls haircut and only one nostril. Oh man, I hate it when I'm right! So anyway, he bursts into my room and he grabs my lucky snorkel and I'm like "Hey! You can't have that! That snorkel's been just like a snorkel to me!" And he's like "Tough!" and I'm like "Give it!" and he's like "Make me!" and I'm like "Kay!" So I grabbed his leg and he grabbed my esophagus and I bit off his ear and he chewed off my eyebrows and I took out his appendix and he gave me a colonic and yes, indeed you better believe it! And somehow in the middle of it all, the phone got knocked off the hook and 20 seconds later, I heard a familiar voice. And you know what it said? I'll tell you what it said. It said "If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again. If you need help hang up and then dial your operator." In Albuquerque! Well, to cut a long story short, he got away with my snorkel. But I made a solemn vow right then and there that I would not rest, I would not sleep for an instant, until the one-nostrilled man was brought to justice. But first, I decided to buy some doughnuts. So I got in my car and I drove over to the doughnut shop and I walked on up to the guy behind the counter and he said "Yeah, what do you want?" I said "You got any glased doughnuts?" He said "No, we're out of glazed doughnuts!" I said "Well, you got any jelly doughnuts?" He said "No, we're out of jelly doughnuts!" I said "You got any Bavarian creme filled doughnuts?" He said "No, we're out of Bavarian creme filled doughnuts!" I said "You got any cinnamon rolls?" He said "No! We're out of cinnamon rolls!" I said "You got any apple fritters?" He said "No! We're out of apple fritters!" I said "You got any Bear Claws?" He said "Waitaminute, I'll go check...........NO!!! WE'RE OUTTA BEAR CLAWS!!" I said "Well, in that case, in that case, what do you have??" He said "All I've got right now is this box of one dozen starving crazed weasels!" And I said "Okay, I'll take that." So he hands me the box, and I open the lid and the weasels jump out and they immediately latch onto my face and start biting me all over! Oh man, they were going nuts, they were tearing me apart! You know, I think it was just about that time that a little ditty started running through my head. I think it went a little something like this " OHHH!! GETEMOFFME!! AHHHH!!! GETEMOFFME!! OHHHH!! GETEMOFFMEGETEMOFFME!! AHHH!!! GETEMOFF!! GETEMOFF!!!" I ran out into the street with these flesh-eating weasels all over my face, waving my arms all around and just running and running and running like a constipated wiener dog! And, as luck would have it, that was exactly when I ran into the girl of my dreams. Her name was Zelda. She was a calligraphy enthusiast with a slight overbite and hair the color of strained peaches. I'll never forget the first thing she ever said to me. She said "Hey. You got weasels on your face." That's when I knew it was true love! We were inseparable after that! Oh, we ate together, we bathed together, we even shared the same piece of mint-flavored dental floss. The world was our burrito. So we got married and we bought us a house, and we had two beautiful children, Nathaniel and Supafly. Oh we were so very very very happy. But then one fateful night, Zelda said to me, she said "Sweetie-pumpkin? Do you want to join the Columbia Record Club?" I said "WOOOAH!! Hold on now baby, I'm just not ready for that kind of commitment!" So we broke up and I never saw her again, but that's just the way things go in Albuquerque. Anyway, things really started looking up for me because about a week later, I finally achieved my life long dream. That's right, I got a part-time job at the Sizzler! I even made Employee of the Month after I put out that grease fire with my face! Oh yeah, everybody was pretty jealous of me after that! I was getting a lot of attitude! Like this one time, I was out in the parking lot trying to remove my excess earwax with a golf pencil, when I see this guy Marty trying to carry this big ol' sofa up the stairs by himself. So I say to him, I say "Hey! Do you want me to help you with that?" And Marty, he just rolls his eyes, and goes "Nooo...I want you to cut off my arms and legs with a chainsaw!" So I did. And then he gets all indignant on me! He's like "Hey man! I was just being sarcastic!" Well, that's just great, how was I supposed to know that? I'm not a mind reader for cryin' out loud! And besides, now he's got this really cute nickname : Torsoboy! So what's he complaining about? Say! That reminds me of this other amusing anecdote! This guys comes up to me on the street and tells me he hasn't had a bite in 3 days! Well, I knew what he meant, but just to be funny, I took a big bite out of his jugular vein! And he's yelling and screaming and bleeding all over and I'm like "Hey, come on, don't you get it?" But he just kept rolling around on the side walk bleeding and screaming "AHHH!! OHHHH!! AHHH!" You know, completely missing the irony of the whole situation. Some people just can't take a joke, you know? Anyway...where was I? Kinda lost my train of thought...Well, okay, anyway, I know it's kinda a roundabout way of saying it, but I guess the whole point I'm trying to make here is
<font size=+3>I HATE SAUERKRAUT!!</font>
That's all I'm really trying to say. And by the way, if one day you wake up to find yourself in an existentential quandary, full of loathing and self-doubt, and wracked with the pain and isolation of your pitiful and meaningless existence, at least you can take a small bit of comfort in knowing that somewhere out there in this crazy mixed up universe out ours, there's still a little place called Albuquerque.
I said AY!! ELL!! BEE!! YOO!! KERKEE!!
Whoa, I read that entire post *faints from messageboard fatigue*
Hehehe....I love Weird Al Yankovic. I hope you didn't type that whole thing, Knighty! It'd make me really worry about you....
http://www.hostboard.com/ubb/wink.gif